My Tennessee

Dec. 13, 2007

I have never been to Tennessee. But I happen to have one of my very own. Sometimes in the shadows and sometimes overwhelmingly present. So present that my fingers will spend hours on Craigslist growing My Tennessee. They increase its geographic extent and detail, its musical depth, its social connections, its economic opportunities. Most of it is rooted in the fact that we could afford a house there. And when things are bad in my San Diego, or not perfect, My Tennessee fills in all the gaps. Because There Jaron does not have to sing songs that make him whither for people that hate art. And There I do not have to answer phones in a sing-song voice that would never exist if it were up to the real, non-receptionist Katherine. And There Banjo has a yard to run in and and snowmen to pee on. And we have a fireplace. And cute, funky coats. And most of all, we have time and opportunity.

On days like today even Jaron (who much prefers His Colorado) comes to My Tennessee with me. Because the life and work we had thought we'd been building over the last year has one major problem. We built it. And it is not retro-fitted. So yesterday when there was an unexpected shake-up, it all came crashing down. And so far, we're just hanging out in the rubble. We told God how we feel about it and He has said, "I know..."

And that's it so far. Which is not my favorite, but much better than, "Well, stop feeling that way," because I am not ready for that.