Fall!

So this is my first real fall season experience. Even though it brings some fear of winter with it, it has been completely glorious.

Favorite things about fall in middle America so far:

-Grated-apple oatmeal

-walking the dogs through piles of leaves

-mussels in white wine

-Jaron in a hoodie

-watching Kona play with falling maple leaves

-spicy pumpkin sausage soup

-butternut squash soup

-driving down our street lined with multi-colored trees

-coaching volleyball

-intermittent super temperate days

-the grass growing more slowly

-apples straight from the orchard

-oktoberfest microbrews

-pears with dark chocolate

-mushrooms every day!

-holding hands more often cause you're not hot and sticky anymore

New Puppy!

This is Kona, our new Alaskan Malamute. She's 3 1/2 months old and quite a piece of work. We love her and are getting more used to the idea of being a two-dog family, but she's definitely a tougher puppy than Banjo was! We got her from a breeder whose house recently burned down and had to get rid of these dogs who are too old to sell now. Problem is, she's been kenneled at a vet's for weeks and has no sense of of not sitting in her own potty anymore. Makes me so frustrated that even an animal health professional would put dogs in such an inhumane environment. But, we are happy to have her and optimistic about overcoming her current bad habits.

And Jaron is already talking to local Malamute trainers about getting her some time pulling sleds! Here's to living in the arctic. :)

New Dining Room

Here's the before...



And here's the after! We still have some doors to paint for the built-ins, but it already feels so much more like home and it's been refreshing for sure.

*!?#!? Roosevelt...

I've had a very exciting couple weeks since I started coaching volleyball. And when I say "coaching" I mean sitting far away from the girls, watching practice, and filling in the coach on my observations by email. Aargh!

For a second I want to ignore all the good reasons there are for the red tape I'm encountering and just bitch about it. I cannot be on the court as a volunteer until I get a background check and register to be a sub. Fine. Oh, and I can't register to be a sub until I get a physical and a TB test. $200. Fine. Oh, and I have to have physical copies of my social security card and birth certificate, which I lost in the move. Replacement costs $30 plus a notary and weeks upon weeks of waiting. So it's going to take months of forms and waiting and about $300 to be able to VOLUNTEER 30 hours per week of my time. And until then I'm not allowed contact with the students. Up yours, FDR, I'm not a number!

In other news, I love the paint we finally finished in our dining room and will post a picture as soon as I get my camera battery back from Chicago. Also, we've been able to have dinner twice now with local musicians, Casados, and they are awesome. The hospitality of strangers is shocking and wonderful to me. They are so much farther along the road of performing and writing than we are and I'm repeatedly surprised by how gracious they are to us and our dreams.
You can find them in all the usual online spots for music, including Casados.

Jeep!

Last week I had the privilege of staying with my sister while she delivered her second baby. Let me just say, all the homesickness and doubts about moving have been worth it for the chance to drive only two hours when I got the call, spend time with my niece and be in the room with my sister and her husband when James Paul Hamann (whom Jaron and I call Jeep and whose parents call him J.P.) came into the world. Don't get me wrong, it was kinda freaky. Kelly is a warrior (which is actually the meaning of her name and I never thought it appropriate until now) and births babies like she is leading the victory charge. Her confidence was inspiring. It was only those last few moments when she seemed a little scared that I got scared. And then he was there and he is amazing, and he has a mohawk and for a moment all the pain and scariness seemed to disappear.





And then it got scarier. Kelly continued to lose too much blood and four nurses rushed in and treated her and the word "hysterectomy" was said, probably just to make us all especially freaked out.

Fast forward half an hour and I got to hold the little miracle of a man my sister had just birthed and it was (for a moment) easy to understand why she went through all the danger and pain and inconvenience. And while I still have a substantial fear of having children, I just need to look at Jeep to know that the women who are brave enough to say yes to motherhood, like my sister, are a breed above. I used to think they were insane, but it's good to finally get a glimpse of how heroic and hopeful it is. And there is nothing to be ashamed of in hope.

fun

If you post your name in the comment section or email me, I will do the following:


1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll pick a kind of alcoholic beverage to share with you.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
(if possible. if not, I'll say something that only makes sense to me.)
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.

Settling In

Well, we've been in our house for almost two weeks! There are still boxes piled everywhere. I've gotten the kitchen unpacked, which makes it feel a lot more like home. Picked out some paint colors and we're excited to get going on those. We've been making lot of french food at home lately and are loving the lighter feeling those meals leave us with.

The other night we had our first negative home-owning adventure when our street flooded into our basement. Yup. All the sewer water from the streets came in through a valve and was literally rushing into our basement. Never fun to come home from dinner to the sound of a waterfall downstairs, and we had no idea what to do. Fortunately we found a valve that stopped the rushing water and it only took us a few hours to bail the water out. Now it's just extremely stinky down there and our washing machine is full of sludge and poop... are you kidding me?? This house stuff is no joke. Being a landlord sounds like a terrible idea now. We've thought about it before, but the idea of having to maintain your own home plus the one you don't live in sounds horrific right now.

So, I've officially been unemployed for two months! Let me just say that going back to work is going to be tough. I have never been someone who knew what they wanted their career to be. I've had a few things that sounded good for a while, but somehow I've ended up working in office after office for years now. I'm determined to break that cycle, but it's tough to get a job you like when you have no relevant experience. BUT, Jaron and I are pretty excited about the idea of me working for us right now. It's temporary, cause I'll have to do some kind of paid gig at some point but for now I'm spending about half my day doing stuff at home, including creating super fun meals and I'm loving that. I have cherry-dyed fingernails that I can't seem to get clean from making clafoutis last night, but it's a fun problem to have.

The other half I'm gonna spend working on getting us local gigs... cause I'm singing again! Taking it slow and easy, but I've had no pain and it is really fun to think about recording again now that we're in our house and I'm able to record my tracks again. In fact, we did a cover song at church on Sunday that came out fairly good for a live recording. It's originally by Sandra McCracken, and both she and Derek Webb have performed it before, but here it is by Jaron and Katherine: Love Has Come
:) It is so fun to sing with Jaron again. Every time we perform together it feels like a date. Practice, not so much, but performing, yes.

We've been missing our church family at home quite a bit lately. The folks we have met here are awesome, but not home. Not yet. I wish I knew when we would be able to visit. I know it won't be long enough when we do, so it sounds both wonderful and brutal. I try not to dwell on it, though. No sense sitting around in my sadness. There are wonderful things going on out here to explore.

Chambana

Not too many thoughts to share at the moment, but wanted to throw in an update.

We are here! Champaign-Urbana is beautiful in the spring/summer and it's been a pleasant surprise since we first visited in the super nasty end of winter. It gets hot and humid, but so far I prefer this to the dry, extreme heat I grew up in. We are staying with an extremely fun and hospitable couple that has really taken us under their wing and shown us some great haunts to... uh... haunt. One pub especially got Jaron enthralled. No food, just great beer and amazing woodwork and room-like booths that almost convince you that you're far from the heartland and somewhere hilly and green.

We found a house! We're almost closed, just another week. I cannot believe we are soon to be homeowners. Or, home-owers, I guess. But we're thrilled with it and can't wait to make it home.
Here's a shot of the outside.




Jaron is getting settled at his new job and we're looking forward to finding our niches in this community. For being so small there is a lot going on both on and off campus. We're looking into getting involved in a food coop or two. Trying to eliminate the use of disposable plastic in our lives is just as complex as we expected and of course we keep realizing areas we have to adapt to make it happen. Even taking Banjo potty is more complicated. But, it's a good change, and I think it may even save us money when all is said and done. We'll see. I'm certain it will have us eating more healthy foods than we've done recently.

Lately I've been consumed by thoughts about working with youth again. It's been a while, but nothing has ever felt as good a fit, so I'm intent on getting back into it. As of now, I'm volunteering with a youth group and really hope to start assistant coaching volleyball this fall. I can't wait. Lord, may I never be stuck behind a reception desk again. Or a cubicle. But we'll see. This one's to be continued.


I've been mulling over some stuff lately, and I'm excited to write more soon! Jaron and I will be documenting the de-plastic process on video. As soon as it's edited I'll post it here!

The mid-west isn't actually in the middle...

I hope you don't find out this way, but with the speed at which things are moving, there is a good chance you will. We are moving! More than half way across the country to corn-land in southern illinois. Not to farm corn, there's more than enough of that going on as it stands... but to take an opportunity to work with a church we really believe in to lead music at their worship services to a God we really believe in.

We got the offer this past Thursday and we leave on May 15th. From here to there it's mostly wrapping things up with our jobs, finding ways to agree on what to take with and what to let go, and finding ways to say good-bye to people we love. We are excited to nurture our new relationships and to find out which of our bonds out here are meant to last.

Everything is bittersweet at the moment. Jaron has a knack for smelling the ocean far more often than I can from our house. And every time he tells me to give it a try I hesitate. What if it changes my mind?

It's all moving so fast it's hard to take it in, but in some ways I'm grateful for the band-aid being ripped off and I'm committed to not picking at the scab. (yes, i know, I took the analogy too far...)

The most difficult reality for this is that we can't go back and make up for the fact that we haven't spent near enough time with some of the people we are leaving and there's not time to fix it. I'm just hoping I'll learn my lesson.

Love to you.

play it again

Every identity I have needed to read the preacher's story. And I will need to read it again tomorrow.

I love him

And his music, too.

my husband did this

Psalm 001

At small group the past several weeks, we've taken a chunk out of discussion time to do something interactive/reflective with a psalm. Last night we actually had to write our own psalm. I was desparately hoping we wouldn't end up having time. I'd been yawning all night and had that familiar mental cloud that often comes over me whenever I'm asked to communicate with God. Even after all these years, I tend to feel like I don't know how. Or, I don't know if I know how.

But, I sat down with my pen and followed the minimal prompts for things like praise, thanksgiving, fears, etc. And before I knew it I was off and running. And it was easy. It was not, however, pretty, like David, or as it turns out, like everyone else in our group. I didn't see it coming, but we all ended up reading our psalms to each other. While it was profound and teary for several, and beautiful for most, I had the tears and some important transparency, but it was not beautiful. It was, well, whiney, a little. I guess that's what I've had for God lately. A fair bit of whining.

But, the important thing for this process was the realization that my life has not been beautiful in quite some time. And the difference between now and when I thought it was is not how badly I want that beauty, but where I'm willing to go to get it. And this is my resolution: I will look for it. I will look for the places God has made beautiful for my unique, 6'2", thoughtful, slouchy frame. For my mother's nose, my great-grandmother's fingers, and my grandfather's feet. And for my own restless spirit. And I will get off my ass to do it.

My Tennessee

Dec. 13, 2007

I have never been to Tennessee. But I happen to have one of my very own. Sometimes in the shadows and sometimes overwhelmingly present. So present that my fingers will spend hours on Craigslist growing My Tennessee. They increase its geographic extent and detail, its musical depth, its social connections, its economic opportunities. Most of it is rooted in the fact that we could afford a house there. And when things are bad in my San Diego, or not perfect, My Tennessee fills in all the gaps. Because There Jaron does not have to sing songs that make him whither for people that hate art. And There I do not have to answer phones in a sing-song voice that would never exist if it were up to the real, non-receptionist Katherine. And There Banjo has a yard to run in and and snowmen to pee on. And we have a fireplace. And cute, funky coats. And most of all, we have time and opportunity.

On days like today even Jaron (who much prefers His Colorado) comes to My Tennessee with me. Because the life and work we had thought we'd been building over the last year has one major problem. We built it. And it is not retro-fitted. So yesterday when there was an unexpected shake-up, it all came crashing down. And so far, we're just hanging out in the rubble. We told God how we feel about it and He has said, "I know..."

And that's it so far. Which is not my favorite, but much better than, "Well, stop feeling that way," because I am not ready for that.

Jesus and Cornbread

an old, wonderful friend asked me indirectly this morning what makes my life beautiful. big question, and one I've never heard before.
most of those who read this would not know, but after high school i started singing. a very little bit. then, when i met jaron, he got me doing it more, and now i even get paid for it sometimes. it had always been a secret dream, but then i got to do it, and can you guess what? (i bet you can guess if you've met me...) i still didn't believe people wanted to hear it. completely illogical, but totally true.
and then I got put on voice rest by a doctor with a big, painful scope. some kind of acid thing in my vocal box, but i can't talk or sing indefinitely. so you can imagine how confused my self-perception became after that.
until yesterday, when someone reminded me that jesus trades report cards with me every time i can't or just don't do something i or he or anyone else thinks i should. and i took a deep breathe and exhaled all my frustration and tears and spent a little time tanning in the glory of that feeling of unworthiness in my chest being relieved.
and then i went home and baked, which is an excellent thing to do when you can't talk, and also makes your lover feel loved even though you can't tell him.
so, yes, i guess what makes life beautiful right now is jesus and cornbread.